Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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