I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
