No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
