I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
