Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
