go do what you do best...puke behind churches
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
