i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
