My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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