mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
