Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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