my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
