my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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