is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
