I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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