he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
