If that was your dad, he is hot
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
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