I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
