He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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