i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
