There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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