ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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