I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
