Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
