I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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