Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
