I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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