They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
