There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
