but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Rumble strips road head = magical
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
