It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
