I am in a vortex of obligation.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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