you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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