What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize