remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
