I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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