Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
