You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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