I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
