she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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