New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
