Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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