Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Mom said you looked used
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
