guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize