my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
