I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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