This house was built for laser tag.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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