there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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