I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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