Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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