Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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