I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
