Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
