I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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