We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
