i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
