If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
