I accidentally burped into my bong.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize