Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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