Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He has the fingertips of a God
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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