Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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