He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
