Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
