take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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