My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
