It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
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