She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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