He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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